Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A third grader gets a weeks detention for trying to eat a Jolly Rancher

A third grader gets a weeks detention for trying to eat a Jolly Rancher.  By now we all have either seen this story directly or have heard of another similar story.  What on earth is going on?  Has it really become that a single piece of candy is the root of all evil for our children?

The list of evil continues to expand and let's recap the ever expanding list for a second.  Dodge ball, Duck Duck Goose, and Red Rover are all bad and as such have been outlawed in most schools.  Score keeping is bad as is just general competition and thus "everyone" gets a trophy.  Luckily our schools were finally able to unveil the wizard of evil masquerading as a piece of sugary goodness known as Jolly Rancher.  It's odd that our public school system has been in decline for the last 30 years, even with all the aforementioned roots of evil being eliminated.

Granted I'm a product of the failing public school system, but maybe we should go back and start modeling our schools from 50 to 100 years ago.  Yes leave out the wretched parts of our past, like segregation among some others.  After school starts with the pledge of allegiance, including the words "one nation under god" and a moment for prayer or silence if you're not so inclined, we can kick off each day with a school wide dodge ball game.  Trophies for those who hit the principal the most times and candy for all.  Then after school everyone can go out to their car and get their hunting rifle for target practice and more gun safety training.  In between all of this teach real history of historical significance things like, oh I don't know "Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon" would be a good start.  While we are at it, how about quarterly surveys distributed to the parents on teachers performance and bye bye to this standardized testing crap.  Bad teacher?  Well sorry you're fired and go work for the Post Office.  Great teacher?  Pay Raise!!!

Where is all this coming from?  Schools districts and educational agencies need to start understanding and respecting that us parents are in charge.  If I choose to send a Jolly Rancher to school with my children to enjoy then the only note I expect to see from the school is asking me to pack an extra Jolly Rancher for a school employee.

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