Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The weenie dad

Another late evening call has left me pondering what some dads (really all parents) are thinking.  Recently I have fielded calls of fathers referred to me who are facing custody situations and in both cases I'm wondering why on earth call me.  I'm partially kidding, but really I'm not a professional with no specific training in parenting or custody issues.  What I am is a father with experience who has found blogging an outlet to vent on some topics and spreading advice that I've found very helpful to me or close friends.  With that being said, "USE THIS BLOG AT YOUR OWN RISK".

The two most recent situations:

1- One father with sole custody, who's ex lives in Mexico City, is facing the deportation of his son back to the mother.  After what I understand is his ex being able to use the State Department to help interfere.  Bad situation, but it gets worse as I hear his court date to try and block this is the following day.  Wow, not to salt the wound, but nothing like waiting till the last minute.  What do you say in this situation?  You're a moron or a weenie for waiting till the last minute to try and find help...  I don't think those words would be helpful, but really what do you say.  Many situations are past getting parental advice or coaching and rather you need to get an attorney.  I'm not a fan of attorney's and I often see attorney's, in my opinion, simply make many situations worse, but once the courts are involved you need an attorney.
This father was thinking of offering to let his son go to Mexico City to visit his mom, in order to appease her.  Hmmm, uh no that's a crappy idea.  I'm a firm believer that children need both parents, but once the courts are involved a lot goes out the window.  His ex is already trying to take sole custody and move his son to another country and then he wants to let him go.  Dad you are not going to get your son back anytime soon if you do this.  The mom lost custody due to child endangerment and in my opinion if this dad let's his son go, then he's as guilty as she is.  What a nightmare.

2- Father has joint custody and his ex proposes that she wants to move to the next State.  How is this a question to let his son move away?  It's tough enough being a part time parent and now you want to approve your son moving away?  Really weenie dad?  Parents look in the mirror and explain the situation to yourself and see if you look like a moron.  If you do this, then you will most likely want to hit yourself.  If you let your ex move then you will see your kids less, have less ability to be involved, and ultimately be facing another state's custody laws once your ex gets residency.  I need to be clear with my opinion on moving your kids to another state or allowing your ex to move, "DON'T DO IT".  This weenie dads argument was that he wanted to get along with his ex and if he says no, then she will be very upset.  I'm all for getting along with your ex, but I don't believe you can parent effectively if that is your number one priority.  Ex's often don't like each other and don't get along, get over it.  You ex proposes to minimize your involvement in your son's life by moving and you are worried that she might not like you?  How about you start caring what kind of parent you are and what you need to do to be an active force in your son's life?  If this parent cared about her children, then she would not be attempting to move and remove her son's father from his life. 

Parents fighting is useless and pointless many times in custody battles.  However, standing up for yourself and your children is never pointless.


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